On March 4th, Obama's secret alien security team skeeved out the
planet. While addressing the American Israel Public Affairs Committee, a
shapeshifter alien humanoid was caught on tape slithering about the
group, keeping its two soulless eyes on the crowd. It was terrifying,
and sent the conspiracy theorists all a twitter. There's an alien
working for the President! Obama must come clean about his ties to the
shapeshifting alien race he's been secretly employing for security
purposes!
Thank goodness for Wired's Danger Room, who had the steely reserve to question National Security Council chief spokeswoman Caitlin Hayden said something interesting:
The White House dismissed the alien bodyguards as too costly in this era of budgetary austerity. “I can’t confirm the claims made in this video, but any alleged program to guard the president with aliens or robots would likely have to be scaled back or eliminated in the sequester,” Caitlin Hayden, the chief spokeswoman for the National Security Council, e-mails Danger Room. “I’d refer you to the Secret Service or Area 51 for more details.”
Does President Obama have a shape-shifting alien bodyguard? He absolutely does, and we have grainy, inconclusive video to prove it!
It’s possible you’ve seen a nutty conspiracy video on YouTube titled “OBAMA ALIEN demon UFO ghost 666 devil SECRET SERVICE.” With almost 3 million views, we clicked on it to see what all the hubbub was about. It’s basically three minutes of narrated footage showing “a shapeshifter alien humanoid working for the powers that be.”
The text-to-speech program narrator shows clips of a bald-headed Secret Service Agent protecting Obama during his March 4 speech to the American Israel Public Affairs Committee. He acts strangely, and apparently shape-shifts into a reptile on camera. The best part? It was all “caught in a high-definition video during an event of the Zionist cabal.”
Shockingly, the video went viral with millions of views in just one week. It’s not the only one of its kind, either. I almost always have a “Nephilim” or “Anunnaki” video in my recommended or features stream on YouTube, and I’ve never gone looking for any such thing, scout’s honor.
In any case, the real fun began when the National Security Council was contacted about the video.
“I can’t confirm the claims made in this video, but any alleged program to guard the president with aliens or robots would likely have to be scaled back or eliminated in the sequester,” spokeswoman Caitlin Hayden said. “I’d refer you to the Secret Service or Area 51 for more details.”
Maybe that’s a joke, but we are required by our journalistic standards to point out that’s not exactly a “no.”
In any case, where is the public outcry for laid off shape-shifting alien bodyguards? They have zero fair representation. YouTube user “jane trivium,” you should be ashamed of yourself for such shameless character assassination. He’s just an honest shape-shifting alien bodyguard trying to provide for his family. He yawns and accidentally turns into a reptile for two seconds, and you’re ready to crucify him? Let’s not be so petty, people.
The White House dismissed the alien bodyguards as too costly in this era of budgetary austerity. “I can’t confirm the claims made in this video, but any alleged program to guard the president with aliens or robots would likely have to be scaled back or eliminated in the sequester,” Caitlin Hayden, the chief spokeswoman for the National Security Council, e-mails Danger Room. “I’d refer you to the Secret Service or Area 51 for more details.”
Does President Obama have a shape-shifting alien bodyguard? He absolutely does, and we have grainy, inconclusive video to prove it!
It’s possible you’ve seen a nutty conspiracy video on YouTube titled “OBAMA ALIEN demon UFO ghost 666 devil SECRET SERVICE.” With almost 3 million views, we clicked on it to see what all the hubbub was about. It’s basically three minutes of narrated footage showing “a shapeshifter alien humanoid working for the powers that be.”
The text-to-speech program narrator shows clips of a bald-headed Secret Service Agent protecting Obama during his March 4 speech to the American Israel Public Affairs Committee. He acts strangely, and apparently shape-shifts into a reptile on camera. The best part? It was all “caught in a high-definition video during an event of the Zionist cabal.”
Shockingly, the video went viral with millions of views in just one week. It’s not the only one of its kind, either. I almost always have a “Nephilim” or “Anunnaki” video in my recommended or features stream on YouTube, and I’ve never gone looking for any such thing, scout’s honor.
In any case, the real fun began when the National Security Council was contacted about the video.
“I can’t confirm the claims made in this video, but any alleged program to guard the president with aliens or robots would likely have to be scaled back or eliminated in the sequester,” spokeswoman Caitlin Hayden said. “I’d refer you to the Secret Service or Area 51 for more details.”
Maybe that’s a joke, but we are required by our journalistic standards to point out that’s not exactly a “no.”
In any case, where is the public outcry for laid off shape-shifting alien bodyguards? They have zero fair representation. YouTube user “jane trivium,” you should be ashamed of yourself for such shameless character assassination. He’s just an honest shape-shifting alien bodyguard trying to provide for his family. He yawns and accidentally turns into a reptile for two seconds, and you’re ready to crucify him? Let’s not be so petty, people.
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